


Too Late For Soulmates

by whatfandom



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bridge - Freeform, Gen, Insomnia, M/M, Other, Suicide, Water, harry uses they/them pronouns, nonbinary!harry, this is so sad and i cried while writing it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 21:55:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3356702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatfandom/pseuds/whatfandom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis bumps into Harry at 3am on a bridge, he's glad he didn't bump into a thug, and Harry has sad eyes (which remind Louis of high school).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Late For Soulmates

**Author's Note:**

> Excessive use of the words "and" and "because" because this is more Louis' train of thought. Also this is so unedited and terrible I'm so sorry.

Louis tosses. And then he turns. And then he gives up, sits up, and makes a sound of protest before flopping back down against the warm sheets of his bed, warm from tossing and turning all night. He grabs his phone from the nightstand, groans and squints his eyes before reading the time: 2:37 AM Saturday, January 5.   
Louis knows for a fact he won't be falling asleep. One of "those nights" Zayn calls them. Long set insomnia. First got it from depression in high school, you get used to it. Louis sighs softly before a (albeit stupid) idea comes to his head. _I want to see water_. So, he does. He shoves a pair of jeans on, grabs a jumper, then his winter coat, before finally shoving Tom's on his feet and quietly (as to not wake his roommate, Zayn and/or Zayn's boyfriend) and this might be the stupidest idea Louis' ever had because he's freezing (when he checks the weather app on his iPhone it says "0°C" and Louis could almost cry.   
But he wants to see water and he doesn't have sleeping pills and he doesn't have class on Sundays.    
 _Fuck it_ is Louis' last thought before he starts walking towards the bridge he passes every morning to walk to class. He pulls his coat closer to himself and has a vague thought of _at least it's not fucking snowing_. He keeps his head down, eyes on the ground, to keep the harsh wind from out of his eyes. If he were smart enough he would have brought a hat, but Louis is just not that smart. He gets to the bridge after 10 minutes of walking, seeing the telltale wooden planks under his feet instead of the concrete of the sidewalk, he doesn't even have to look up. _Mistake._   
Louis bumps into a warm body, they both make a sound of protest at the sudden disturbance to their trains of thought.   
"Oops," comes a voice from above him. He looks up and is met by (even in the harsh yellow street light) beautiful, green eyes.   
"Hi." Louis chokes out. "Shit, sorry." He feels relieved he didn't actually bump into (or doesn't look like) a homeless person. Louis would have felt much worse than he does. The person has long, curls poking out from under a beanie and is wearing an expensive looking coat. "Sorry." He says again, trying to make it look like Louis wasn't staring (he totally wasn't).   
"S'fine. Don't worry about it." The person says. And once again Louis is relieved because it's 3:30 in the morning and he's outside and small and he could have bumped into a thug who would have stabbed him or something. But instead the person smiles, bright white teeth shining. "'M Harry." The person, Harry, says.   
"Louis." Louis says, and before he can stop himself he asks, "pronouns?" Because his sister is a big feminist and taught him to ask people's pronouns. Harry positively beams.   
"They/them," Harry answers and Louis's glad he asked.   
"He/him." Louis answers before Harry can ask.   
"You're the first person to ever ask me that." Harry says, as if it's a big deal (and Louis supposes it is to someone who needs someone to ask). Louis shrugs, to him it's not a big deal. They fall into silence. Harry breaks the silence. "Why are you up at 3:30 in the morning walking around?" Because it's not everyday you meet someone in the middle of the night outside on a bridge who doesn't look like a pedophile.   
"Couldn't sleep." Louis answers with a shrug to them. "You?"  
"Same." They reply, tucking a long curl behind their ear. They are kind of beautiful. But they have sad eyes, Louis can only tell because he used to have the same look to his eyes.   
"Why are you walking around in the middle of the night?"   
"Could ask you the same thing." They shoots back, Louis snorts because yeah that's true.   
"Wanted to see water," Louis answers before he's asked.   
"I come here all the time." Harry says softly. "It's kind of beautiful out here. If you stay long enough you can watch the sunrise with me. I love watching the sunrise."  
"I'm usually not out long enough to see it. I usually go back home before then so my roommate doesn't burst a blood vessel if he found out I walk around at 3 am." Louis remarks and turns to look out over the water. Harry laughs. Louis is startled by the sound, it's a beautiful sound, he wishes he could hear it all the time on a tape player or something. Louis inwardly rolls his eyes. When did his life suddenly turn into a cheesy book?   
"So you won't stay with me, then?"   
"Maybe," Louis answers, they smile again, but it looks like it takes effort and yeah, Louis knows that smile. "Aren't you tired?" He asks after they've lapsed into a few minutes of silence, both of them staring out over the water. Louis turns to Harry, Harry's eyes stay out over the water. He sees their mouth twitch up in a sad smile.   
"Yes." They finally answer after several moments. Louis sighs,  
"Know how you feel."   
"Doubtful," but the wince on Harry's face tells him Harry didn't mean to say that. "Sorry," he apologizes. Louis is stunned into silence for several seconds.  
"It's fine."   
They both do end up staying 'till sunrise, and the next night, and the next night because apparently it's one of those weeks and Louis just can't fall asleep. They talk sometimes, other times they don't. However, it does become a kind of pattern or tradition or whatever. Louis finds out they go to the same university, studying very different things however. Louis is studying child care, Harry: law. Harry kind of hates law though, when asked why they don't just change majors they simply say: "Stepdad" and Louis doesn't need any more explaining. He just nods sympathetically because yeah same. They just shrug in response. Louis doesn't stay until sunrise on the fifth night, Zayn is starting to notice and Louis doesn't really want to explain. Of course, Zayn _knows_ he just doesn't know about this time. Oops?   
By the sixth night (morning?) Louis is a little confused as to what they are. Friends? Not exactly because they never see each other outside of the bridge at three am. Acquaintances? That's not right either because Louis tells them about his parents and they get to know each other. He tries not to think about it because it confuses him. Louis, however, still doesn't know why Harry has such sad eyes. Harry never brings it up, Louis doesn't ask. He remembers how he would have acted if someone asked him that in high school. Probably punched them, but Louis has always had a short temper with assholes.   
The eighth night Harry says something that concerns him. It might have just been a simple "goodbye" but they don't say goodbye, they say "see ya tomorrow" because they always do. Louis shrugs it off because he's overthinking things.   
Almost a sense of relief floods through him the next night when he sees Harry propped up against a pole in the middle of the bridge. Louis takes one step on the wooden floor and Harry's head snaps up. The bridge isn't all that long so Louis can see it when Harry places a rock over a piece of paper. His stomach falls. He's maybe 20 paces away when Harry hops on the hand rail. They swing their legs over the edge and Louis starts running and screaming because _no this can't be happening_. But it happens. Harry falls just as Louis gets to them. They were looking right at Louis as they pushed themselves off. He falls to his knees. He can hear his heart in his ears. The water is freezing (the only reason it's not frozen solid because it's running water). It's a long drop. It's deep water. Harry is gone. His mind goes blank for a good thirty seconds.   
He moves like a robot, taking his phone out of his pocket. He feels tears drop down his face as he hears "hello, 999, what is your emergency?"   
"Someone just jumped off the Monroe Bridge." He says, voice sounding foreign to his own ears.   
"I'll dispatch a search and rescue team right away-" Louis doesn't hear the rest.   
He picks up the note Harry laid out for him. He knows it's for him. Harry mentioned once, "you're the only person I talk to, you know?" Louis didn't say anything at the time because for some reason he knew.   
"I'm sorry." The note starts off in Harry's scratchy handwriting. Louis starts crying all over again (he never stopped). "To Louis- I'm so sorry-" Louis stops reading he doesn't know what to do. He sits on the ground (where Harry stood two minutes before) until the police and an ambulance and a whole bunch of other people. The police take his statement (he has to replay everything he saw happen, to make sure it was suicide he guessed), he has to give them the note, ask if he knew Harry (which Louis responds yes to), the police exchange a wary look.   
"Son, do you have someone you can call? Someone to take you home?" Louis nods his head yes. "I think you're in shock. You might want to call them now. Might do you good to be around someone you know." Louis' head is spinning. He digs his phone out of his pocket, calls Zayn.   
"Lou? It's bloody four in the morning, what the fuck?"   
"Can you come pick me up?" His voice must give something away because Zayn is lapsed into silence for just long enough for Louis to notice.   
"Okay, Lou... Where are you?" Zayn asks carefully.   
"Monroe Bridge." He answers.   
"Okay, babe. I'll be there in 5. I'll have Liam drive, Kay? Or do you want Zee and Lou alone time."   
"Might wanna drive. Bring Li." He answers, Louis hears Zayn wake up Liam (who was probably asleep still next to Zayn).   
"Okay. Don't do anything bad. I'll be there in 5. I love you, okay?"  
"Love you too," Louis answers. Maybe the cops are right, maybe he is in shock. He hangs up and Louis can't feel his fingers and his eyes hurt from crying and he swears there's a frozen water marks running down his face. He suddenly can't breath because Harry is fucking _dead_. He either stops breathing or starts hyperventilating, but he doesn't know because he just sees black and that's the last thing he remembers before passing out.   
He wakes up and Liam is carrying him to the car. Louis just falls back asleep. He just doesn't want to think.   
He gets a copy of the letter. Harry has a mother and sister and step-dad the show up to their funeral. Louis goes too (with Zayn, but Zayn doesn't really know what's going on because Louis still can't exactly get out what happened). Their sister glares at Louis like its his fault Harry is dead and Louis thinks _yeah, it probably is_. He only knew when the funeral was because Harry's mother called him. His contact information was on the letter just like Harry's mother's was. He can't breath again. Zayn puts his hand on Louis' knee and brings him back down to earth.   
Louis never has a problem sleeping again (what with the Valium he gets from a therapist) but he doesn't think it's the drugs. Really, it's Harry. He doesn't like to think anymore, so he sleeps. Louis doesn't like thinking so he stops, and it reminds him of high school all over as he lines up a rows of the little blue pills. And thinks _yeah. High school all over again_. His mind goes blank as he takes all the pills at once. He thinks _finally_. But his last thought is _Maybe I was more than friends with Harry_  and suddenly he believes in soul mates, but it's too late.


End file.
